Right, I should do this before I burst into tears again. For various reasons (Work-stress, home-stress, family-stress, existential-crisis-stress, it's-been-a-year-since-my-grandmother-passed-away-stress) I have been largely absent. And I will be absent for a while yet, because;

Work- I've quit.

It was hell, I hated it, I was turning into something angry... it was turning me into something I hated. So that's gone.
And now I'm working frantically on my portfolio. So I can get into that art course I want. So I can do what I want. So I can live my life, and not have to live for my family.
Not that I'm saying I don't love them, or won't support them. But it's been three years since I graduated from high school. I've been working while mother or father has been out of work. I was a second income. Mother and Father both are in stable, well-paying jobs. It's time for myself, now.
Not that my parents know. They think work just isn't giving me shifts because I let on I was looking elsewhere for work. Deceitful, but I'm stressed as hell already without them yelling at me. I'll deal with it when I have to.

So, I've been working on my Portfolio and I was suddenly struck with the "What-if"s.
What if I don't get accepted, what if my portfolio isn't enough, what if I'm not enough, what if I never get this degree, what if I never got to go to Japan with JET, what if I'm never qualified to do anything, what if what if what if.
And I feel sick and worry is gnawing at me and I want to cry because I know these stupid worries are stupid but if I don't choke this down I'll never finish this portfolio and then I will have to face the "what-if"s.

So, with that said, I bid you an indefinite Good Bye.

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